On Friday, I was finally able to write up a ritual script. Once again, I used Teo Bishop's liturgy with additions from a few other places, including a beautiful poem by Sophia Catherine from the Solitary Druid Fellowship's crowd-sourced poetry post. I also borrowed from a few other places, but the bulk of the ritual was from Teo Bishop. I like the repetition he's built into the liturgy, but I'm still not feeling it.
I normally do my rituals in the bathroom, but since Hubby is sick, he's been laid up in the bed playing Assassin's Creed. The sounds of people dying wouldn't have contributed to the right ambiance for my observance, so I tried to set up my altar on the kitchen table. However, the printer ran out of ink as I tried to print my script, so I moved the table in front of the computer (which is ran through the TV screen) so I could read my script. The blue-white glow did not complement the candlelight.
I tried to use A Daily Morning Bathroom Devotional and Meditation by Star of GriffinOak, but had a really hard time visualizing. I've done this meditation several times, although it has been a few months. No luck tonight. The house was really quiet, so I could hear every little thing, like the field mouse who has taken up residence in my home, and Hubby trimming his nails...
Samhain was a very moving ritual for me. I really felt like I...connected isn't the right word, but something along those lines. With both Yule and Imbolc, I have been unable to "see" the Kindreds, except for the Ancestors, for any length of time. Is it because I feel rushed, trying to get everything together late at night? Is the new ritual script just not resonating with me? Maybe I've been doing rituals on my agnostic days - I consider myself a hard polytheist, but I still have days where I just don't know. I have a hard time turning my brain off - I feel like I'm being pulled in several directions at once, all the time. I've got to figure out how to turn it off. It's not fair to invite the Kindred into my home, and not be fully present while they are here.
I bought a tarot deck and a book to teach me how to use it yesterday at a local metaphysical shop, but didn't have a chance to read through the book and figure out how to use it. So I used my ogham index cards again.
Ancestors: nGeadal (Reed), harmony, health
Nature Spirits: Eabhadh (Aspen), endurance
Shining Ones: Ruis (Elder), transition